Are you a in-house lawyer who cares about diversity? If so, this post is for you. I wrote it when I was on “vacation.” I put it in quotes because as many of us know, it is so hard to really disconnect no matter how far away we get from our offices!
We were on a cruise and after the hubby and kids were asleep, I took a walk around the upper level of the ship. It was way past my normal bedtime, but I needed time to think. While sitting on a stool watching the cruise passengers dance to “Macarena,” it hit me. In-house counsel are absolutely crucial to the longevity of women in law firms. So I wrote this note and I hope you like it.
Dear in-house counsel:
I respect you. You have worked hard to get to where you are. People rely on you to answer questions quickly and accurately without the benefit of hours of research that we have. I hear that business people often knock on your door throughout the day to ask you questions. The truth is: I enjoy being able to shut my door and research complex questions for hours on end. I don’t know how you do what you do!
I respect you for working hard and becoming an integral member of a team. I respect you for making hard decisions that can affect the largest companies. I admire your commitment to be at your desks for long periods of the day, and the fact that you often have to work on open floor plans.
I also sincerely love having breakfasts, lunches, and dinner with you. I love hearing about your successes, your struggles, and your failures. I love learning from you and trying to help you with what is on your plate.
But what I really want you to know, is that:
You hold the keys to my freedom. Work you give me earns me the respect I need at a firm. It gives me the power to stay for the long-term. It gives me a voice in meetings. It gives me a future. It obviates the need for me to come up with excuses for having to attend to my children’s events throughout the day, and the need for me to bill an unrealistic amount of hours a year. It rids me of situations where I have to take orders from partners and to meet expectations that just make me want to quit. The more I build my book of business, the more respect I earn. The less people ask me questions.
Because the truth is:
I’m often hanging by a thread. The long hours, the time away from my family, the unrealistic billable hour requirements, the fear of quitting, the anxiety, the stomach-wrenching stress, working until 2am after the kids go to sleep; it can all be a little too much. But I love the work. But despite the love, I often think that I would never wish this route upon anyone. I should have known it’d be too hard to be a full-time biglaw mom. What they said is right. It’s too hard. It’s truly no wonder firms don’t have many women in partnership positions.
The thread I am often hanging by is the slight amount of hope I have to build my own book of business and to become a rain-making partner. But the thread gets weaker and weaker as time goes on. There are days when I feel like it’s about to break. Until in-house counsel gives us a chance, the timer only continues to click. There are days when we want to throw in the towel and call it a day.
Trust us, we want to make it. We want to succeed. We want to be that first female partner mom who is praised. We want to be written about and to receive awards for being the mom who “does it all.” But the truth is: it’s hard as hell. It feels like we are trying to climb Mount Everest with a ton of bricks pulling us back. There are so many days when we realize that it is no wonder why so many women stop trying to win the fight.
But, we continue to hold on, one day at a time. We continue to bill our hours. We continue to take you out to lunch because we genuinely love our friendships. But we also sincerely hope that one day you’ll throw us a bone. Every hour spent at breakfast or lunch is an hour not billed. It’s an hour we spend working at night when the kids are asleep to try to catch up. Yes the firm appreciates “client development,” but they’ll only appreciate if billable work comes in.
The truth is: biglaw has opened the doors for women. But it’s a tough world and it’s hard for us to succeed. If we’re good, we get staffed on a lot of work. But too much work takes away from being able to spend time with our family. Before we know it, partners are fighting over which cases we get to work on, and inevitably, we feel like a failure because we can’t do it all. Though we keep smiles on our faces, there are days and nights when we feel like we are falling apart. The reminder of how hard we’ve worked to get to this point is the only thing that keeps us hanging on.
So if there’s something you could do for us, it’d be to help us out. Give us a few thousand dollars worth of business, even if it’s just a retainer that we could have on hand to bill for questions that come across your desk that you need help with. It’d allow us to have our name tied to a client before someone else comes along to take it (trust us, it happens). Put policies in place that stress the importance of having diverse outside counsel teams. Request us on your teams. Show our bosses how much you rely on us.
Because the truth is, in 5 years when you are looking for senior female partners to hire as your outside counsel, you may not find us. So many of us are hanging by a thread and we’re close to hanging up our hats.
At the end of the day, we are relying on you. We have no voice without you. We need you. Help us if you can.
*This post is written with the caveat that of course, not all in-house lawyers are in a position to help, and that is fine. But if you do have a say in hiring decisions, I think there are things you can do to ensure that diverse women continue to advance at firms. And if you don’t have hiring power right now, hang on and continue to advance so that one day you will. I believe the future of women in law firms in many ways depends on you!