“We’re making some adjustments to the staffing.”

Some famous words – you get a call from a partner so high from firm HQ that you barely ever have talked to them before, and they tell you that they are “thankful for all the hard work but are making some adjustments to the staffing.”

Hm, well okay. What does that mean? And what does it mean for me?

The first time it happened I was a third-year associate. Weeks earlier, I was proud of myself for having a one-on-one conversation with my boss. I told him that I felt as if my plate was overflowing, and I wasn’t able to give each of my cases the attention they deserved. I expected that he would give me extra hands or help another associate who could help me out. Nope, three weeks later, I was taken off of all those cases and they were transferred to a male associate who graduated from my same law school, the same year, yet “had more experience than me.” Yes, that shit actually does happen.

Maybe that experience calls for a separate blog post, but I’ll never forget how hard I cried that day. My husband and I had plans to go to the theatre (can’t even remember what we were supposed to see). But I was broken. I couldn’t catch my breath. I was finally on a docket that I was getting REALLY good experience and working with some very seasoned lawyers. I was getting to go to depositions and watch these lawyers in action! I was loving the work but I was pregnant at the time, and overwhelmed. And because I spoke up, it all got taken away.

It’s a common theme and happens to others. The firm tells you to “speak up” if you feel overwhelmed – but then you do – and then they think you can’t handle anything. It’s no wonder why lawyers have high rates of alcoholism, depression, and anxiety – right?

Anyways, I learned from that experience that it was just the right time to start looking to move elsewhere. If that’s how my boss was going to deal with the situation, it was time to go.

So – here I am now – two years at the new firm. I just recently went reduced hours in an attempt to gain some sanity back into my life. And I got a call today to talk about “staffing.” I thought that maybe they wanted to know if I could take on more work. Or maybe, they just wanted to check-in? Wasn’t sure. Well, quick reality check – they are actually re-organizing ALL the staffing for a particular national client, and I would soon need to transfer my cases to another associate.

“Sorry, what?” Okay, I actually didn’t say that. In my mind, I was kind of thinking, “great, I might actually get my life back… maybe the sage I’ve been burning (figuratively) to get work off my plate has worked!” After all, this case floods my inbox like a torrential rain pour every single day. But I kind of like it. I’m managing cases, have control, and am working with a partner I like. Well, then, the PTSD from my third-year sets in: I say kindly, “just to make sure, I’m not being taken off these cases because I recently went reduced hours, right?” “Oh no, not at all,” the partner re-assured me.

Unlike at my previous firm, I’m convinced here that the reason for the re-staffing is solely driven by client demands to have less partners and less associates on cases. They are consolidating all the cases, and this isn’t just affecting me. After, all, the seasoned partner I’m working with and several other associates in my position got their cases shifted too.

But it still kind of sucks. I’ve spent the last year on this docket. I’ve had to say “no” to other work because of this docket. I’ve gotten tied to this docket and it almost feels like my baby? Despite the long hours it has required me to work, I have developed rapport with other national counsel for other clients. I’ve been in control. I almost just assumed I’d be on these cases for the next few years until they either settled or went to trial. Now what am I supposed to do? Being an associate doesn’t allow you to just take a “break” before the new cases come in. Nope, you still need to get those hours up! So basically, I need to figure out where my new work is going to come from or I’ll risk the reality of 1) low hours which I’ll be criticized for at year’s end; and/or 2) high hours towards the end of the year which will cause me to pull out my hair out as I try to make up for the low hour months.

Part of me thinks this is actually great. I will somewhat have an empty plate again (literally, this docket took up 90% of my days). I have the opportunity to figure out what I want to work on next and with who. But that’s also really stressful. I need to figure that out quick because before I know it, the partners will be coming down like hawks trying to get their hands on the associates’ newfound availability. So the pressure is real.

And perhaps the part that stings the most is the painful reminder that firms often treat associates as if they are “dispensable” – meaning they can be replaced on a moment’s notice. We all like to think we are special – or believe that the fact we have been on a case for a full year from its inception means that we know everything and can’t be replaced. Personally, that is my view. But the firms quickly remind us that we are wrong. Our cases can be transferred on a day’s notice, literally. This process is also a reminder that your workload is somewhat always out of your control unless you’re lucky enough to bring in your own clients.

In some ways, it’s not that serious. I’m still standing in the same spot, even though it feels like the carpet has been swept from underneath me. So in all, I’d say this is just an interesting experience. And I think the most interesting part about it is that it is typical law firm life. You could be busy with one client one day, and wake up the next day and they’re gone. Then what? It’s like the plate that you had full and overflowing is now all of a sudden empty. And firms don’t pay you to sit around without anything on your plate.

So, if you have a job where you don’t face this kind of stress – hang on to it! Law firm life is not for the faint of heart. Thankfully it’s a weekend, so I’ll have some time to think through this. Wine should help.

Has this happened to you ever? Would love to hear how you dealt with it. Scroll down all the way and leave me a comment to let me know what you think!